This is how I imagine the conversation that happened during the US-Philippine Ministerial Dialogue at the Jefferson Room, State Department April 30, 2012. The Philippines asked the US for assistance on the ongoing standoff with China on the Scarborough Shoal dispute.
Philippines: We’re losing Scarborough Shoal to China. We admit, our Navy just doesn’t have the equipment to win this.
U.S.: What do we get from it, it does not have oil, or gold. We don’t want to side with anyone here, especially super power China.
Philippines: Are we not band of brothers, Joe? Did we not fight together during World War II?
U.S.: That’s so last century, y’know.
Philippines: Please, help us. We will keep watching Hollywood films, and stop buying pirated DVDs!
U.S.: Fine. We will help you upgrade your Navy. Go to our dock, we have many ships there after Vietnam War that we don’t use anymore. Take your pick, just stop being annoying!
Philippines: Oh thank you my white brothers! We will now have air conditioned ships to help us fight China longer!
US -China talk
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton arrives in China on May 1, 2012 for top level talks on human rights activist legal activist Chen Guangcheng, who has taken refuge in the US Embassy. According to Reuters, the United States also hopes the talks will encourage greater Chinese cooperation on trade.
U.S.: Our Chinese brothers, when will you help us with the fight with North Korea? Kim Jung senior died already, and yet we cannot defeat North Korea!
China: We want rich! We want trade our fake Crocs and Pradas to U.S.. Very good quality, better than Italy! Very Cheap!
U.S.: Ok no problem, but you also have to help us with Iran.
China: We want richer! We want trade our melamine milk to your milkshakes and mad cow to your hamburgers!
U.S.: How about the Scarborough Shoal? Our little brown brothers asked for our help to attack you.
China: Hahahaha! Remember: $1.2 trillion, how you pay us? You are poor country now compare to us. But you can still buy cheap melamine milkshake, and mad cow hamburgers! Confuscious says: You look fat, you still look rich! Come, come, we have giant dimsum for you. Agree?